Be glad I haven't blogged in a while. It probably would've been a bunch of mad-at-God rants or pitiful pity fests if I had. Silence seemed like the better option. It's been a tough year for me: a lot of high hopes and deep disappointments. About a month ago I decided I just needed to let my dream die. I was holding on so tightly to this dream that I was making myself miserable and making myself unavailable for any other opportunities. When I started to let it go, it sucked, but I finally started to get some peace. And that's when other things, unexpected, promising things started to happen too.
When I told my parents I was giving up my dream, my mom told me something about God's will. She said she didn't want me to think I wasn't in God's will, because seeking God's will is God's will, so when I'm trying to find God's will I'm not outside of it, I'm actually right in the middle of it, so right now I'm in God's will. She said the same thing at least four different ways so I'd be sure to get it. I got it. I don't know where my life is going, but I'm on the right track.
Then when I told my grandparents about some new opportunities, my grandma told me something about doors. She said she was so happy that God was finally opening up some doors for me after so many doors had been shut. I was really unenthusiastic about her enthusiasm, but then I thought about it for a minute. No, they're not the doors that I wanted, expected or prayed that God would open, but they are doors. And they are open. I don't know what's on the other side, but I am walking through them.
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